I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
