time to smoke my breakfast
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize