i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
