good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize