I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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