He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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