no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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