1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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