i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
