No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
