Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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