So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
