She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
