I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
