I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
