I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
