I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now