Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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