I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
40s are totally the cure
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
