I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize