its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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