wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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