It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
