I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
