I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
