That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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