Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Randomize
