i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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