at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
