you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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