he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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