You really coming over, don't trick.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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