if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
