So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
