My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
