so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
