Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
