It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
