I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
