Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I deserve this hangover.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
