WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
