Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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