so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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