It's just like the Real World with babies
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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