Just fell off a train. Bad.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
