Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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