just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
