I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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