My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize