i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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