I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
