HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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