Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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