Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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