I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
