mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So here I am, sexting at work.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
