jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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