she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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