I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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