One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
