I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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