It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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