I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
