I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
