i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
