I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
