T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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