can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
