Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dick very happy bro
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize