I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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