I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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