I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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