its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
