drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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