Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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