my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
