What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
