bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I party with great urgency now.
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